How to Build a Strong Romantic Relationship that Stands the Test of Time

Falling in love is the easy part. The real challenge for couples is rekindling the flames of romance from time to time and cultivating a mature, trusting love that is the pillar of a lasting relationship.

Unfortunately, making your relationship better and long-lasting doesn’t happen overnight. It takes commitment, forgiveness, compromise, and, most importantly — effort. But why do only very few relationships nowadays grow and mature into powerful bonds that withstand the test of time?

I’ll tell you: Partners in most relationships don’t understand each other’s love language. In other words, most relationships fail because each partner in a romantic relationship understands love differently.

So when they try to show love to each other, it is difficult to fill each other’s love bucket. That’s why you see on Reddit or hear people ask on social media, “Why do I feel like my partner doesn’t care about me anymore?” Or “I feel profound loneliness whenever my boyfriend and I are together.”

Most of these situations occur simply because the partners have different love languages. Once you understand your love language (and your partner’s love language), strengthening the bond between you becomes much easier, no matter how long you’ve been together.

Note that the ability to demonstrate love to your partner and get the same in return is the lifeblood of your relationship. Without it, your connection will undoubtedly die. The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way.

Understanding What Love Means to You and Your Partner Is Vitally Important

When telling your partner, “I love you,” what exactly do you mean? How do you interpret love? Most importantly, how does your partner interpret and receive love? Finding answers to these questions is the single most important thing that keeps the fires of romance burning hot in strong relationships.

A California State University sociologist (Terry Hatkoff) has created a love scale that defines six types of love in our closest relationships. You can use it to determine what love means to you and your partner.

• Unselfish Love: It is based on sacrifice, kindness, and nurturing.
• Best Friends Love: It is strongly connected to tenderness and deep affection between the partners.
• Romantic Love: It’s based on sexual attraction and passion.
• Playful Love: A deep affection that comes when people flirt or challenge each other.
• Logical Love: Practical deep feelings based on financial goals, religion, shared values, and other factors that differentiate us as humans.
• Possessive Love: It’s strongly tied to obsession and jealousy.

People’s deep affection in their most committed relationships normally combines two or three forms of love. But in most cases, two people in a relationship may perceive love differently.

Picture this. A couple is having coffee in a famous coffee shop. The waiter flirts with the lady, but the boyfriend doesn’t seem to notice and talks about their financial goals as a couple. The lady is upset that her boyfriend isn’t jealous. On the other hand, the boyfriend feels his extra concern about their financial goal isn’t appreciated.

What does this have to do with love? The lady and boyfriend each define love differently. For her, love is possessive, and a jealous response by the boyfriend makes her feel valued. For him, love is logical and is best expressed by gestures like worrying about their financial goals.

The point? Know what makes your partner feel valued and loved. That way, you will understand how to fill their love bucket and rekindle the romance in your relationship. In other words, understand your love language and your partner’s. Love language is how each person in a relationship interprets and receives love.

One thing should be clear, though. Once you’ve identified your partner’s love language, the aim is not to accept love the way your partner interprets it. It’s about communicating love the way your partner will warm-heartedly receive and appreciate it.

Rekindling Romance Will Keep the Flames of Love Burning in Your Relationship

We often feel motivated and insanely energized in the first stages of falling in love. But as we all know, romantic love fades a bit with time. When romance fades away, how do you rekindle the sparks such that the intense feelings of early courtship prevail in your relationship — forever?

Do something NEW with your partner. New experiences will reignite the intense feelings you had for each other in the early stages of falling in love. According to Arthur Aron, a psychology professor at the State University of New York, partners who regularly engage in new experiences together are happier in their relationship than those who share exciting but familiar experiences.

Here are examples of fun things you can do as a couple to rekindle romance:

• Exercise together; morning runs, yoga classes, using a workout app at home e.t.c
• If you’re a married couple, plan a date night to re-experience the feelings of early courtship
• Travel together; plan a getaway weekend, night, or a week-long trip
• Renew your vows to remind yourselves of the bond you have with each other
• Explore a hobby with your partner, like cooking together or redecorating a room

Will Your Relationship Stand the Test of Time?

Granted, strengthening your relationship and making it last forever (till death do you part) won’t be easy. Creating a powerful romantic bond that lasts forever requires effort, commitment, and compromise. Sometimes, you may even want to give up on each other. When that time comes, I want you to do this:

Take a moment to look at your relationship and where you want it to be. What are you willing to do to get there? How much pain are you ready to endure? If your partner is worth it (the person is willing to cross oceans and move mountains to be with you), do whatever it takes.